"Damn Diary:

"Well, I like that better than "dear diary" or something equally cliche.  The only reason I'm keeping this journal is my therapist requires it.  I got along fine for years without a therapist.  My publicist feels my repressed bitterness might come out during a fight or public appearance and that would ruin my image.  So I've got a therapist and he wants me to write a journal.  He's going to read it, of course.  Having fun reading this so far, Doc? 

"*bleah*.

"I'll write more some other time."